“We are all in this together. We need each other. Oh, how we need each other.”

(Marjorie Pay Hinckley)

Long overdue honest social media.

"I’ve lost many, many people in my life. ..."

"I’ve lost many, many people in my life.  My parents both passed away from multiple forms of cancer.  My sister passed away in a tragic car accident a month after I married my boyfriend.  My niece and my nephew (brother and sister) were also in a car accident and both lost their lives.  I am acquainted with death and loss of a loved one.  The gospel was something I used to pull me through each and every one of these losses.  I felt my family members very close to me though they are mere spirits.  I felt comforted. Surrounded.

"Then, two years ago, my sweet husband, Terry, passed away.  It was a shocking loss for our family.  Devastating.  Pure Hell.  I have trudged through the past two years.  I never know what is 'normal' for a 50 year old widow.   But I’ve kept breathing and making my time on this earth into some sort of sense without the man I love.

"Which brings me to my confession.  I’m a little hurt.  No A LOT hurt, that I don’t feel Terry near me.  At least not like I did with my parents and sister. I wake up each morning and he is the first thing I think about.  I go through my day looking for him in places I will never find or feel him.  He is the final thought on my mind when I lay my head on my pillow each night yearning to dream of him…

"I never do.

"This has been a 'game-changer' for me.  It makes me question everything I once was taught and believed.  I want to shake the people who tell me 'Oh ,Tami.  Terry came to me in a dream and told me to check in on you.'  or 'I know this is hard to believe but Terry appeared to me and I know he’s okay.' (BS if you ask me.)   I would just like to know why I can’t feel my husband near by.  He was MY husband…not theirs.  Why do other people 'get' to stand so close to the veil, when I have to plead through a heavy, thick, black velvet drapery for some mere morsel of the man I loved so deeply?"