“We are all in this together. We need each other. Oh, how we need each other.”

(Marjorie Pay Hinckley)

Long overdue honest social media.

"...I was told I had been forgiven...."

The atonement is REAL. 

Driving home from my parents late one night, I felt impressed to turn off my radio and drive in silence. My first thought was so I would be extra alert in case there was danger ahead. As I drove on, a voice entered my mind, much like I'd heard others experience before but never for myself, and as clear as day, fully aware it was not my personal thoughts, I was told I had been forgiven. 

I continually questioned the voice. Could it really be? And I was told over and over again for the remainder of my drive, "You have been forgiven."

After years of painful repentance, many tearful visits with the bishop, soul-searching appointments with a therapist, occasional times of slacking because I didn't feel worthy of forgiveness, pain stricken days with my heartbroken husband, and wondering so many times if I'd ever truly feel like the Lord has forgiven me...and it happened. Heavenly Father had granted me forgiveness for the affair I'd had. 

Never in my life had I thought I'd one day be the wife that had to sit her husband down professing my love for him, something I'd really only become acutely aware of after the indiscretion had been done, and confess that months earlier I had become involved with another man. 

The months I spent preparing for that night of confession were filled with so many emotions, but mostly fear. I was convinced he was going to leave me, or demand I leave. When I was faced with the realization that I could not live my life with this secret, and I would never want him to find out from anyone other than myself, I had to move forward, accepting that this may end us. 

That night the Lord was very much aware of my delicate heart, and the pain I was inflicting upon my husband. So much was destroyed that night, but I choose to focus on what was not lost. Our marriage.

My sweet husband decided within days that he didn't want a divorce, and he wanted to fix us. I thank the Lord every night for such a forgiving, even sympathetic, partner. I am constantly reminded by the Holy Spirit that my dear husband understands the atonement, and with that knowledge and so much more, he has been able to forgive me as well. 

The journey of forgiving myself has not reached its end, and I don't have a clue as to when it will. But, knowing my Father in Heaven has forgiven me gives me hope I may reach that internal relief soon. 

The atonement is REAL.